tick, tick... onward

                                                  

haven't written in ages, feels weird. like you've forgotten how to untangle all those thoughts in your head and put them down. but yeah, here i am again. guess i just can't sit still for too long, you know? my brain just keeps buzzing with stuff, and i gotta let some of it out.

it hit me pretty hard last night, watching that movie, "tick, tick... boom!" it's so much about that feeling, isn't it? that constant push to create, to do something meaningful. and i realized, maybe that's what i really want too. it's not about finding some perfect balance, like people always talk about. and it's definitely not about stopping when you reach some made-up finish line, because honestly, what even is that? it feels more like it's about always wanting something more, you know? not in a greedy way, but in a way that pushes you forward, that makes you feel alive. chasing after whatever feels right, even if you don't have a perfect name for it yet. happiness, maybe? getting better at things you care about? just... going. always moving, always learning.

i remember feeling this way years ago too, when i watched "la la land." that feeling of wanting to make something, to be something. feels kind of the same, this restless energy that keeps you up at night. now i'm 22, i was 15 when i wrote on la la land, and suddenly time feels like it's speeding up, which is kinda scary when you actually stop to think about it. like, where did all that time go? but then i remember what i felt watching those movies, that urge to keep going. and when you're really into something, when you're actually putting in the effort and going for what you want, all that clock-ticking noise in the background just kind of fades away. it's not about how much time you have, it's about what you do with it, the things you chase. it's just about the chase itself, the feeling of always being on the way to something, even if you don't know exactly what that something is yet.